So it is finally time.  My soon to be ex son in law has had papers served to my Daughter and the mediation and court dates looms in not too distant future.

She came home and found the papers dumped on her doorstep, no envelope, nothing. Like leaves that blew in the wind, ending their journey at her door.

The papers were drawn up the day she told him that she was keeping the little man on Christmas Eve, so that he could be at our home like every year of his life.

They were filed on their anniversary.  Coincidence?  I think not.

He is trying to take my Grandson away from her. Saying she does not have his best interests at heart.  Mediation papers were filed and sent to an address he knows she no longer lives at.  She was lucky she found out at all.

He has moved into a house his mother bought. The rent will be what he can afford. He is trying to say he cannot afford much. He made over $50,000 clear last year.  He gives her $750 for child support and is asking that it be stopped because he will have the little man. He is asking that the court not allow spousal support and that she wave rights to it.

He has not bought one garment for his son.  Not one shoe. Not a crayon or piece of paper. He tells her that is what the child support is for.   Little dude used to go to soccer and karate, but he never paid anything towards those either and my daughter had to stop karate when she went out on disability.

She tries to take the little man to school functions, but he says she is interfering with his times and usually refuses. If he even responds.

It has been a truly rough 9 months since they separated.  Months filled with pain and heartache for a number of people.

We had a relationship with the SIL, or so I thought. Birthdays, holidays, family dinners, vacations, calls for advice on cooking or any number of things, using the washer, mowing the lawns, family things and family times.  Gone in the blink of eye. Relationships negated without so much as the courtesy of a fight.

I loved my Son in Law, I truly did. So much so that my Daughter often accused me of taking his side a lot. Maybe I did.   I cried on his birthday, knowing that for the first time in 10 years we would not celebrate it with him. 

We did not want this. Even after the separation we did not want this. We told him over and over that he is part of our family and would always be. We did our best.  In return he betrayed us in the most painful way of all. Keeping our Grandson away.

Before the seperation we often saw him on the the weekends or evenings when my daughter was at work. He and the little guy would come over and hang out or we would go to dinner or something with them. No more.

During the summer he started not coming over at all. Then not answering emails or text messages.  He became more and more of a jackwagon.  Doing mean things just because he could.

I often wonder if people realize the effects that a separation, and later a divorce have on a family. Outside of the core family that is. That is hard enough. 

The ripples that splash through layers and layers, each one pushing further and further out causing new, more painful ripples of their own. 

We used to have his family over too.  Part of the weekly gatherings. Now there is a wedge with them too, not because of anything we parents have done, but because of the lies and half truths that have peppered the past few months.

 His mother was out of his life and is coming to the party late. She wants to have faith and believe everything her son says.  So my daughter is the evil villain.

A year ago it was weekly dinners, and planning for family vacation. Now it is fear.  Never enough time and fear.  Fear that we will not see the little man. Never knowing when you might see him again. 

We have watched the changes in our little man and they are not always positive. He begs us to let him stay with us. He doesn't understand why he can't when we have a room for him. He has gone from laughing and outgoing to often sullen and not really speaking.

He told his Mama there is too much in his brain.  I get it completely little man, I really do.

The mediation is in two weeks.  The divorce hearing is the week after that. This proves to be a long and sleepless month.